Wednesday, January 21, 2004

cookies anyone?  

posted by Michael Piwonka 10:01 PM
It's that time of year again. Our daughter Allie is peddling Girls Scout cookies, which means that my wife and I are actually doing most of the peddling. And, like previous years, we're not very good at it.

I think Allie (make that us) must be one of the lowest producing cookie sellers in the troop. We always end up buying most of the cookies she sells just so we won't look so pathetic compared to the other families. I think that's how the Girl Scouts sell most of their cookies: guilt.

And it works very well. I sheepishly take the sign-up sheet to the office, and feel bad that I'm about to guilt most everyone there into buying some cookies. But when I remember that I've been buying cookies for years for the same reason, I figure what the heck. Let's put everyone we meet on the spot.

Hey, Joe. Would you like some Girl Scout cookies?

You can always tell by the look on their faces that they don't really want any cookies (especially since everyone seems to be on an Atkin's diet these days). But what can they do? It's almost like blackmail; they have to buy cookies, lest they appear to be ogres.

Why don't you just get one of each type? After all, it's for a good cause.

Those little girls are probably going to cause me health problems. It seems like I'm eating cookies for months after the cookie drive is over (I have no self-restraint; besides, they're pretty darn good cookies).

And not only do I have all those cookies I bought to bolster Allie's numbers, I end up buying more each time I go to the grocery store. Those cute little girls camp outside and prey on everyone that walks by. I always tell myself that I will just walk on by without buying more, but once they make eye contact....

Yes, I'll take one of each, thank you.

But the Girl Scouts may want to watch out. If people can sue cigarette companies because they're not responsible for their addiction, or sue McDonald's because they can't stop stuffing french fries down their throats, the Girl Scouts may not be safe.

Your Honor, I can't be held responsible for eating 8,000 boxes of cookies. I mean, have you tried to say no to those little girls?

That's the ticket.

Allie, I'll see you in court.

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